“Don't pick anything up. Don't even leave the couch except to use the bathroom." Doctors schedule vasectomies on Fridays so that men don't have to take off from work—by Monday, I should be back to normal—but through the weekend, I need to keep my feet up and a bag of frozen peas snuggled into my crotch. "I'm serious, you know," the doctor says. He tells me the story of a patient who rode his motorcycle the next day and showed up in the emergency room with his scrotum swollen to the size of a football. "Oh," I say.” - × × ×